Homemaker. Say what?!?

Homemaker? That is not me. I can't even cook. While some girls go to college to get their MRS degree, the thought of staying home with my kids never even crossed my mind. Not even once! But here I am. Less than one month after giving up my dream job that I worked really hard to get. A job I loved and a job I was really good at.

But, I'm here. A little nervous about this new part of my journey. Actually, that wasn't true. I am TERRIFIED. Terrified that I won't be enough for my son. Terrified that we won't have enough money. Terrified of many things.

Even though I am scared, I still feel strong because I know that God has called me to this new season of life. I think He (sort of) likes that I am terrified, because it requires me to LEAN on Him wholeheartedly for support.

                                 

Since my son has been born, things have been a blur. My health has not been great, and my stress level has been much worse. I have had to face the reality that I can't do it all.

If you know me, you know that I am an all-or-nothing kind of a person. I am either jumping into the deep end of the pool, or I am not even going outside. And for me, I wasn't able to be the best version of myself while I was working and taking care of my family (let alone taking care of myself).

When I first got pregnant, some people asked me to consider staying at home.  I told them that I would keep "an open hand" when it comes to making a decision. The truth is that those were just words I used. "My open hand" wasn't open. It did, however, have a tiny crack in it, and God used that crack to open it up completely. And it was PAINFUL. Honestly, it is still kind of painful.

But painful experiences can be good. And although I am terrified and I know that this is not going to be an easy journey, I am confident that God is in this. Confident that the way-maker will make a way for me, the homemaker.

       

So, I am on this RACE FOR REST. I am on a journey to find renewal for my heart. And although I would like the race to be a sprint, it will be more like a marathon.

In order to find rest (and balance!), I need to make time for it. I need to sit down with my journal and my bible. I need to find unhurried alone time to talk to God, and lean on Him. I also need to remember to put one foot in front of the other and just START.